I dropped a tear in the ocean and when I find it, I'll stop missing you.

You're never far from my thoughts. I wish you were here. I so want to talk to you and hear you tell me everything is fine, and to only worry about things for 5 minutes on Tuesdays at 10.

You kept me sane.  How can I get along without you?

Dear Mom,

I walked away that day without a second thought.  How could I have known that moment was our last? The last time I'd see your smiling face, the last time I'd listen to that (deceptively) sweet voice. the last time you'd drop your cane on me accidentally on purpose, the last time we'd count cats together, giggling as we pass the "cat house".  I'd have hung on to our time together just a moment longer had I known. I'd have never let you go. Or at a minimum, fed you really well.

My shattered heart still strangely beats and I wonder why. There is a place in my life where light will never fill.  Where is my purpose? Why were you taken away from me before I could say goodbye?

The days stretch on before me, bleak and dark and long. I pray you'll walk beside me and help to keep me strong. I look for signs you send me....a storm, buzzards, that certain sunshine with the wind in the trees, carpenter bees, a panting pup.  Death cannot break the bonds we've shared. My memories of you tie us together forever.

Love you and miss you forever.....'til we meet again....

K-K

Sunday, November 2nd, we roll the clocks back.

Last year it fell on Sunday, November 4th, the same day you left me here to meet our maker.

You had not changed your clocks yet and time stood still.  It took forever to get around to changing the clocks in your house, because I wanted it to be like it was before.  I wish I could be like the clock and roll time back and see you just once more and let time stand still that last day we shared together.

It seems like an eternity in some ways and yet in others, time stands still.  But, it'll never roll back, despite the numbers on a clock.

XOXO,

Love of love,

Kelly

This was written by Carol about her favorite uncle. As I read it, I see so much of her and her dad in it, that I had to share.  It shows how much of how the whole family acted, but also how she thinks, which is entertaining even if Uncle Henry hadn't been a hoot.  (it is adequately described though)

A full page article appeared in the paper about Mr. Henry Hollandsworth. Henry for the paper, “Uncle Henry” to friends and relatives. Accompanying the article was a picture of Uncle Henry carrying milk buckets home from the milking barn. Uncle Henry was portrayed in the article as a “giant of a man” now retired at 73. The giant picture is a good one. The age is also correct. Few people, however, have ever seen Uncle Henry do any manual labor, so the question naturally arises; from what has Uncle Henry retired? His friends have decided that perhaps he has retired from his “Tom Sawyer” technique of getting chores done on the farm. They’ll all agree that this friend is a true character.

Descriptions of this many-faceted personality vary according to the person doing the describing. One might, when observing this man as he walks through his orchard boisterously singing old-time hymns, be mistakenly impressed with his piety. Closer acquaintances would, on the other hand, consider the singing as a mere clue to what would inevitably follow. He almost always visits the cellar prior to his walk.

In one of his rare, sober states, he has a remarkable memory. Under the influence of bootleg whisky, his memory and wit seem to sharpen amazingly rather than to become dulled. Though formal education was lacking, his love of books more than made up the deficiency. After listening to his, though somewhat slurred, word for word recitations of The Wreck of the Hesperus or The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, formal education tilts slightly on its pedestal.

Arguing, a favorite pastime of this lovable character also helps sharpen his wits, or so he says. At any rate, the arguments provide much entertainment for anyone who has time to listen to them. Once, after a loud, but friendly, alcoholic argument, he spends hours calculating how long it would take to kill all Chinese Communists. His conclusion was widely broadcast in the community---“If the red….were lined up in rows of 10 and executed at a rate of 1 row per minute, the …..would never stop coming.” A full week was spent drowning his sorrow over that new enlightenment. Neither his dogmatic and vocal stand on various subjects, nor his salty language cause his audiences to dwindle. Suspense, perhaps, is the attraction. When Uncle Henry opens his mouth, even he is often surprised at what comes out.

Another area of suspense keeps his audience ever alert. All his friends know that, at some time or another during every binge, Uncle Henry will take a fall; then only question is when. A favorite landing spot is beside an old wood stove. He becomes very angry if he awakens and finds the mop has been moved prior to his fall. The mop often serves as a pillow. At other times, his numerous attempts to fly from the front porch have caused both consternation and hilarity. An oft-repeated expression, first used during an earlier flight, is “Tootie, Tootie, watch me fly.” Aunt Nannie neither likes to be called “Tootie”, nor to have the yard plowed by Uncle Henry’s nose.

A book the size of “Gone With the Wind” would never hold all the adventures of Uncle Henry. One short visit would easily supply a writer with a lifetime of work. With his usual lack of modesty, he’d begin the visit with his standard announcement, the most improvement event to take place in this century, happened on September 9, 1905. This of course, was his birthday. As the story unfolds, the listener eventually becomes aware that the tale has no end. The end of this exciting saga is a secret, not to be revealed for many years. The secret ending is being saved for witnessing by his great-grandchildren’s great-grandchildren. Those who know him do not doubt his word, even on this statement. Truly, this man is a most unforgettable character.

Well, as strange as it is, you received an economic stimulus check in the mail.  I decided that should be spent on doing something FOR you that YOU would choose if you were here.

Of course, that meant gambling.

I took you with me and this was the hardest trip I've made with your remains yet.  I don't know for sure if it's the numbness wearing off and realization that you're gone from me forever from this world or if it's how much "you" that trip was for.

As I scattered your ashes, I imagined you there.

As I drove to the casino, I imagined you with me.

As I played lucky sevens (your favorite), I imagined you pulling the handle.

As I ate lunch at the buffet there, I imagined and remembered our lunch there.

As Wayne cashed in his winnings, I imagined you rooting for him and causing it to happen.

The tears flowed as your ashes traveled to the ground.  It's so unfair that we only had one trip there together.  It's so unfair that you didn't get to go more and have lots of fun your final year.  I found myself mad and angry that you're gone and resent that somebody who enjoyed life as much as you had such a short life.

I love you. I miss you. I wish I was as full of life as you are and could be as much to others as you were to me.

I hope you know how much I felt your spirit with me today and felt the love I have for you.

I wish I could understand how sometimes you feel so close I feel like I could reach out and touch you and yet then the realization that I never will touch, feel, hear, laugh with you again this side of Heaven sets in and hurts worse than before I felt like you were there.

Shelby and Shannon spent the week with us this week.  I dreaded it at the same time I looked forward to it.  I just KNEW it would be tough to have them here all week for the first time without their grandma next door.  Somehow though, it felt like you were here.  Your presence was very strong all week and very reassuring.

Then Dave came in and I could see him struggling, despite hiding it.  He stayed here instead of your house.  I miss the kids and tried to tell myself I feel down because they're leaving me and the week is over.  Deep down, I know the truth.....it's that I miss you so much. The week awakened it all over again. I've "officially" bought your place to keep as my own now and somehow that just makes it so final.

Right now, to start over again with getting thru the days I'm trying to believe that Dave is right and you're in Bonkers possessing her (they can't believe how different your kitty is) and I keep hugging on her for you. And as if she knows....she's letting me.

The darkness....it IS only temporary... even though at times my tear filled eyes rise up to curse the skies for being blue, the moments all feel like an eternity in and of themselves and I wonder HOW the sun can go on shining without your presence here...as more time goes by, I am able to see less of the darkness and more of the light... and revel once again in the sapphire of the skies, as you'd have it be.

I have to force myself to remember that every dark, sad moment I have now represents a happy moment with you in our relationship.  My goal is to never forget....our memories are our connection to the past and the pain is worth the joy.

In the early days of our great country, a father and his young son were making a journey into the nearby village to acquire some tools and supplies. Starting early in the morning, the two set forth on their assignment.

To reach their destination, they had to cross a narrow stream and proceed through the woods, the countryside, and finally into the center of town.

After completing their mission, they began their return trip home. As they walked along, a severe thunderstorm erupted.

With the heavy downpour of water, the stream that was virtually nonexistent in the morning swelled to twice its size, and the waters swirled viciously against tree roots and rocks and rolled furiously downstream.

Fear rose within the child and the wise father offered to carry his son. Into the open arms of the father climbed the youngster, and experiencing safety and security, he quickly fell asleep in his father's strong and protective arms.

On arriving home, the father placed the sleeping child into bed. In the morning, with the sun shining through the windows, the youngster awoke in pleasant and comfortable surroundings.

Safe, comfortable and content, no longer fearful, he inquired, "Am I home? Did my father carry me across the raging waters?"

His mother responded with, "Yes, my child, your father brought you safely home. You are in your room in your father's house, snug and unharmed."

So it will be with each of us as we cross "the river" and awaken in a special room in a very special house.

~ Author Unknown ~

Mom, I can only imagine what it's like for you now as you're safely "home" in your mansion by the river. 

Oh, come to the water so rich and so sweet, cast your poor soul at the Saviours feet.  Those that will love Him, don't love in vain. Written in Heaven in Jesus' name.  Sweeter than honey, purer than gold, the rightes of Heaven can never be told. Those that believe Him are made complete.  The throne of our Fahter is our Saviours feet.  Oh come to the water, so rich and so sweet. Cast your poor soul at the Saviour's feet.  Those that will love Him, don't love in vain. Written in Heaven in Jesus' name.  There'll be no mound and they'll be no grave, the flowers of Heaven will never fade.  There'll be no tomb and there'll be no cross.  The works of man's hand is all but seat.

Song written by: Ada Hollandsworth Rea, grandmother of Carol Shelton Mason

copyright protected

Love, it means just everything

When we are sad and alone.

It means so very much to us

When we're away from home.

When we are down and lonely

And loved ones come around

It brings a breath of sunshine

Just like a starry crown.

We know that they are praying

We feel their presence near

When shadows creep around us

And night is almost here.

Our friends, they come around us.

Their gifts they offer dear.

We feel a peace in knowing

Our saviour is so near.

Death is not the greatest

loss in life

The greatest loss is what dies

within us while we live